Wednesday, 23 December 2015

2015 VERSUS

This year has been all about head to heads. Taylor Swift versus Apple, Adele versus Damon Albarn, Azealia Banks versus security guards and Jeremy Corbyn versus the right wing media. So instead of doing a boring list of my favourite albums of the year (because honestly I have no right to this opinion apart from an internet connection) I have decided to pit the 'best' albums for each 'genre' against one another and see who comes out top.



Best Indie
‘HAPPY PEOPLE’ VERSUS ‘MOTHERS’

Peace have had their biggest year in 2015. Although releasing a majority of their pop-ified singles in 2014, ‘Happy People’ was released in February of this year to a gleefully growing loyal fan base. The album was a series of pastiches to indie’s past, with musical references varying from The Pet Shop Boys, Oasis and Nirvana. Its end result was a glitter tipped suicide note, Harrison Koisser’s introspective and anxious lyrics contrasted the soaring guitar fills and lavish overtures. Almost as good as the first album.

Swim Deep’s ‘Mothers’ felt like a long time coming, but in that space the band have gained a member in James Balmont and a whole new sound. Recording in Brussels, Swim Deep swapped their indie dream-pop for heavy psychedelia and acid house. Listening to the album is sometimes a heavy load, songs such as Fueiho Boogie clock in at 8 minutes, but never is there a dull moment. The huge change in style was welcoming, capturing the futuristic zeitgeist of 2015 perfectly without sounding pretentious. Tunes such as ‘To My Brother’ and ‘Namaste’ sound fresh, weird and perfectly cool.

WINNER- PEACE

Best Rock
‘UNDERTOW’ VERSUS ‘ARE YOU SATISFIED?’ 

Drenge have yet to make a bad song, period. Their stunning self-titled debut was shockingly good with sludge filled riffs and angsty lyrics about love and murder. The Loveless brothers (and extra member Rob Graham) released ‘Undertow’ in April 2015 to huge critical acclaim. The album feels loosely like a car chase, lead single ‘We Can Do What We Want’ waxes lyrical about Bonnie and Clyde and its front cover is a deserted getaway car. ‘Undertow’ is a beautifully constructed LP, gentler and more progressive but still with a grunge edge. Fast and menacing, ‘Undertow’ doesn’t disappoint.

Slaves have been around for a while, but their debut album ‘Are You Satisfied?’ has launched them into the stratosphere. Isaac and Laurie’s individual character, live performance and giddy punk revivalism have set themselves as a standout band of 2015. The album itself isn’t always in fifth gear, the comical title track is an acoustic ballad introducing the main theme of the album- complacency. There have been little records in 2015 that make you want to get up and do something more than ‘Are You Satisfied?’, the snarling power of ‘The Hunter’ and dizzyingly deathly ‘Sockets’ are just some of the screamers that have made Slaves’ a firm favourite of the UK youth.

WINNER-DRENGE

Best Rap
‘INTEGRITY>’ VERUS ‘TO PIMP A BUTTERFLY’

Skepta may be the unarguable trailblazer of Grime across the UK and the world but is definitely a singles man. The real Grime hero of 2015 is his younger brother Jamie Adenuga, better known as JME. Although JME has been around for years, 2015 was when he took UK youth by storm with his album ‘Integrity>’. A fiery piece of work composed of bombastic beats and thought out furious lyrics. The intensity is kept at 100 from the dominating ’96 F**Kries’ to troll themed ‘Don’t @ Me’, JME’s mind boggling speed and cultural references never tire. ‘Integrity>’ placed JME as one of the most important MCs in the UK, not to forget his tweets are hilarious and he popularised the ‘swegway’.

Kendrick Lamar won this year, big time. Rubbing shoulders with his NWA heroes and Taylor Swift, bagging two Grammys and then eleven nominations and slaying Reading Festival. However, Lamar’s biggest achievement is probably his new album ‘To Pimp A Butterfly’. The sprawling, funk influenced epic has been celebrated as a modern masterpiece by fans and journalists. The album is amazing and intense, a cathartic experience finishing off with a metaphysical interview with the late Tupac Shakur. The significance of ‘To Pimp A Butterfly’ transcended its streams and purchases, adventitiously Lamar became the political poster boy for a new generation of socially conscience rappers. To the point that members of The Million Man march chanted ‘Alright’, a Black Power movement organised by the NOI.  

WINNER-KENDRICK LAMAR

Best Song
‘LOVE ME’ VERSUS ‘HOTLINE BLING’

The 1975 are kinda cool but also kinda crap because their fans are kinda crap. Drake is kinda cool but also kinda crap because everyone loves Drake for the wrong reasons. The 1975 have reinvented themselves as trippy 80s pop stars that take too many drugs. Drake has reinvented himself as a cutesy 80s RnB crooner that dances poorly. ‘Love Me’ is an absolute indie banger reminding us of the good times. ‘Hotline Bling’ is an absolute pop banger reminding us of that one ex who is better without us. ‘Love Me’ has a music video that includes Matt Healy snogging a cardboard Haz Styles. ‘Hotline Bling’ has the ultimate meme-able dad dancing music video. Drake has to win, because that’s all Drake can do in 2015, just keep on winning.

WINNER-DRAKE

Best Dance
‘IN COLOUR’ VERSUS NO ONE

It has been three years since The xx released their last record and since then the world has changed. Miley Cyrus was a pop star has been with really nice hair, in 2015 she is a pop culture surrealist with far less hair and more strap ons. To bridge the gap between Coexist and the imminent third album, quietest member Jamie Smith (also known as Jamie kiss kiss) released the ultimate Summer album with ‘In Colour’. Although difficult to stand out in a world obsessed with dance music, Jamie xx has managed to create something fresh and full of transcendent floorfillers using the dirtiest bass and the most leftfield samples. Songs such as the Death Star sized ‘Gosh’ and the arty love song of ‘Girl’ are gems in the crown of ‘In Colour’. It’s good to remember that ‘In Colour’ is the only song of 2015 that has Young Thug using a simile to compare intercourse with a pram.

There are no dance records that compared in 2015, maybe ‘Mutant’ by Arca but that had no Young Thug so was disqualified.

WINNER-JAMIE XX

Biggest Twat
MARTIN SHRKELI VERUS DAVID CAMERON


This has nothing to do with music but sometimes one has to be a bit political because that’s quite zeitgeist-y. Martin Shrkeli and David Cameron have a lot in common. Both of them are disliked by swathes of the country for their dodgy rhetoric and are consistently smug. Shrkeli was the pharmaceutical giant who thought it would be alright and not satanic to increase the price of an AIDS drug by 5000%, and then buy the only copy of a Wu-Tang album. Cameron is an ex Bullingdon Club member who now runs the United Kingdom. In 2015 he began a war with an ideology that could threaten the lives of thousands of innocent Syrians, called those who thought that beginning the war ‘terrorist sympathisers’, allowed his second in command to effectively make poorer people poorer and was alleged to have had sex with a pig. Recently Martin Shrkeli received karmic retribution for his money hungry methods, David Cameron therefore wins by default. Nice one Dave x.

WINNER-DAVID CAMERON

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