My Dick, 3OH!3

3OH!3 remind me of being at junior school. In the late noughties they released three solid hits; 'Don't Trust Me', 'My First Kiss' and 'Starstrukk'. Listening back to them today I realise that 1)I was naive in Year Five and 2) 3OH!3 were disgustingly awesome. The band's interpretation of electro pop and frat boy rapping was gross out, knowingly misogynistic and perfectly dance worthy. 'Starstrukk' is maybe their standout single, featuring Katy Perry's autotuned chorus and mentions of "daisy dukes". The music is SO ignorant, bombastic and sexist- it is the theme song of America.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) 3OH!3 never stopped making music. The Colorado natives of Sean Foreman and Nathaniel Motte kept the vibes alive. As I was searching the web for anything to distract me from the horrors of Brexit, I found it. A new song by 3OH!3, but not just a new song- the greatest song of all time. 'My Dick' (taken off their new album Night Sports) is about a man with an uncomfortably large penis gloating about his endowment, there is little to dislike.

The song is composed of multiple pastiched styles of rapping, from a Mockney accent, Sir Mixalot and Future. Every line is a loosely constructed simile discussing penile size, all with laughable hyperbole. (I sometimes question why I want to be a music journalist, moments like this restore my faith). The whole song is jaw droppingly sleazy, it makes me feel ashamed to be alive. However,'My Dick's slicing EDM beat is fantastic and would be at home on any Diplo album.

The chorus restores my belief in songwriting and simplicity;
"Everytime I look at my dick I'm like holy shit that's a big dick! And everytime I look at your dick I'm like holy shit that's a small dick!"
3OH!3 never left puberty, they are still sat at the back of the class belting out non sensical abuse at the nerds. They are the ones who manage to boast about the size of their penis, but inadvertently make it known they look across at you in the urinals. Bless them.